Many women feel extreme guilt towards their dog after having a baby, yet it’s rarely discussed. I want to share my personal journey with guilt towards my dog after becoming a mom and tips for how to alleviate those feelings.

Let’s go back to the start…

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When I found out that I was pregnant with my first child I was immediately so excited to meet her. I wanted to start a family and I wanted to become a mom, but I was surprised when another feeling surfaced: guilt.

As excited as I was to start a family, I also started to worry how it would affect another relationship that been one of the most important to me for the last decade: the relationship with my dog Neirah.

Neirah is 10 years old and has been my best friend and rock through so many life changes. I wasn’t in a good place in my life when I got Neirah. She became my loyal, loving, fun companion through some really hard times. Honestly, she was everything to me. She even came to my wedding!

I loved Neirah so much that while I was pregnant I even broke down crying and I told my husband that I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to love my baby as much as I loved my dog; it didn’t feel possible.

Fast-forward to my daughter Emma being born, and wow was I wrong. As soon as I met her I knew that she was now the center of my world.

But, that led to a different problem: where did that leave my relationship with my dog if Emma was now my biggest love? How would that demotion feel for Neirah?

Cue some extreme dog mom guilt.

Postpartum is a wild time with sleep deprivation, hormones, and more. Everyone reacts differently to it, but one thing that seems to be universal is that everything just feels larger. Joy feels bigger, stress feels bigger, guilt definitely feels bigger.

Since something had shifted, I questioned whether I even still loved my dog and that made me feel like a terrible person.

How could my feelings towards her just change in an instant?

And if they did, what did that say about me? I hid those thoughts inside for a while because I felt a lot of shame about them.

Eventually, I decided to talk about them publicly.

I made a social media post about how I was feeling and I was shocked to see how many women had felt similar shame. Within a day of posting about it I had over 50 women share stories that resembled mine. Realizing that I wasn’t alone with my struggles did feel validating, but it also got me wondering: “Why hadn’t I heard anyone talk about this before?”. Ultimately I think as women and moms we often worry that we’re not doing enough and we don’t want to be judged for that perceived inadequacy, so we hide the feelings.

They say that shame thrives in the dark and it runs from the light, so I’m hoping that sharing my personal story and my struggles helps other women that might be going through something similar. In this blog post I want to share a few of the comments on that social media post that really resonated with me and how I implemented those tips to start feeling better.

What helped the guilt I felt towards my dog after having a baby:

First, I want to share a comment that really struck me with how much I related to it when I wish that I didn’t:

It’s no small thing. I had my first child when my dog was 7 years old. She was the perfect dog and we were attached at the hip, but within a couple of weeks it became clear that my baby was my baby and the dog was now no longer my baby; she just became my dog. It’s a rough transition accompanied with so much guilt. All the dogs we’ve had since have been family dogs, but of course the human children do come first. With subsequent dogs I never felt that same guilt like I did with the dog that I had when I was childless and then gave birth.

When I read “my dog was no longer my baby she was just my dog” it was a gut punch because it summed up how I was feeling, and it made me feel like a terrible dog guardian.

It took a few weeks to unpack those feelings and realize that loving Emma at a level that I didn’t know was possible didn’t mean that my love for Neirah had actually decreased.

I was the one making it feel like a contest, not her.

Besides, throughout the years together Neirah had already started feeling more like my best friend than my baby, so her role didn’t need to change. That leads to another comment that I found helpful:

Treat Neirah as a friend. As another female friend who is still your friend, but also understands that you’re a mother now. Would a good friend be upset with you for having a baby and not having as much time to focus on them? Just make sure to give Neirah love and include her your daily activities as much as you can. I know it sounds a little crazy but I hope it helps.

That comment made me reflect on my human friendships and how they had changed since I had a baby. None of my female friends expected much of me while I was in my whirlwind newborn phase. Instead, they were helping out and they let me rely on them.

If Neirah was truly my best friend then she would understand that me having less time and attention to give her in this season of life did not mean that I cared less about her.

I coupled this thought with another suggestion that I’d gotten:

Talk to Neirah. Explain what is going on and how you feel. The guilt is real and is only for a season. You’re doing a great job!

As crazy as it sounds, I sat down and I told Neirah how much I was struggling. That I loved her so much, but I simply didn’t have as much to give her right now. Dogs obviously don’t understand English, but they do sense our feelings. That conversation made me feel vastly better and allowed me to focus on small shifts like this commenter suggested:

I currently have a 3.5 month old baby and three dogs that are the center of my world. I do sometimes get the mom guilt of the dogs not getting the amount of attention they are used to. What helps me is that I try to take a few minutes a day here and there to focus on them. A lot of the time it’s quick training sessions, playing or petting, nose work games, walks if I can. I found that these few minutes of connection help reduce the guilt and I think the dogs adjust pretty well. They’re often just happy to be home with us and don’t always need the constant attention that we think they need.

It was a nice reminder to focus on what I could still offer:

• I pre-prepared a bunch of frozen enrichment treats and I gave Neirah one each morning while I tended to Emma.
• I bought a larger couch so that the whole family including Neirah could fit on it.
• I invited Neirah to cuddle with me more while I held Emma during naps.
• When guests would come over to meet Emma I would pet Neirah while they held Emma. If I was holding Emma, I’d ask them to pet Neirah. This helped her feel included.
• I started taking Neirah on some solo walks for 1:1 time on weekends when my husband was home.

It’s important to remember that small efforts do add up. Another important reminder about time that I received is:

One thing that helped me when I was feeling tons of dog mom guilt about how little attention I could give Marley during the day was to remember that prior to the baby I wasn’t home during the day. I worked full-time, so Marley was home alone Monday to Friday. While I was on maternity leave I was actually spending more time with my dog even if she wasn’t always the focus of that time. That mindset shift really helped me, and I hope it helps you too.

And one last one that I think is worth sharing:

Yes, the guilt is so real and unfortunately I found that it doesn’t go away. It ebbs and flows with different seasons of family life. I’m going to give you some good just wait’s: Just wait and until your dog notices that something they do makes the baby laugh so they keep doing it until the whole house is laughing. Just wait until your toddler wants to help fill your dog’s dinner bowl. Just wait until your dog chooses to sit beside your preschooler instead of you for movie time.

It was a nice reminder that Neirah hadn’t been replaced. Instead, I’d actually created a new future friend for her!

I really hope this post helps if you’re struggling with guilt towards your dog.

Remember: Everything in life is a season. I can assure you that those feelings of guilt do get better! Try to be gentle on yourself and make sure that you’re taking care of yourself too.

I want to thank all of the women that took the time to share their stories and their tips with me. It really helped! I think it’s collectively really helpful to realize that we’re not alone 🙂

If you want more dog and baby tips, look here:

• Get Your Dog Ready for a Baby With These 7 Simple Tips!
• 8 Tips for Introducing Your Dog and Baby: A Stress-Free Approach
• Feeling Guilty for Your Dog After Baby? You’re Not Alone!
• 12 Tips for Stress-Free Walks With a Dog and Baby
• Dog Enrichment Ideas When You’re Unable to Go On Long Walks
• I’ll also link my entire dog + baby Youtube playlist here: